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The Theft of Water

Monday, February 21, 2005
Hullo. I haven't posted anything in a while so I thought I'd at least acknowledge that I'm alive. I wish I could give you a little thing in your browser that would inform you of my life/death status, like the one for Abe Vigoda, but I can't. Anywho, I'd like to share with you some of the wierdest news I've heard in a while. You see, one of the advantages of building your pool in the ground is that it is safe. Nobody is going to steal your in-ground pool, are they? Well, think again, my naive reader; a Norwegian family had this sad crime enacted against them. So I urge you to not sleep until your pool is properly locked up by placing a Pool Lock® over it for true protection. Good night and swim safely.

UFIA and Other Wonderful Things

Tuesday, February 15, 2005
I gotta thank Connor for introducing me to UrbanDictionary.com. Quite the site they got there; quite the site, indeed. Such a site that I decided to do a little digging (pun absolutely intended, as you will soon see.) and see what I could find and with a little help from those crazy cats over a Fark, I came upon the word "ufia". The definition there is quite enough for you to get the picture.

Now that I have made your day brighter, I would like to share another gem of my findings simply entitled "Tall or Not?" It is for those moments when you suddenly have the burning desire to know if you are, in fact, taller than Yogi Berra. So, I let you down by not arguing about the mistreatment of Godzilla or sharing the revelations of the voices in my head? Well, ask me if I give a [poop]. If you actually did ask me out loud, the answer is no. Maybe with an added exclamation mark if I am in the mood.

Crazy Diarrhea

Monday, February 14, 2005
So you decide to get a tattoo. What could be cooler than some Japanese characters that everybody you meet will be mystified by? It all sounds good, but what happens when someone can read the tattoo? Maybe, it say "brave warrior" or "good in bed", or just maybe it happens to say "crazy diarrhea". Yep, sexy message isn't it? This is exactly what was printed on this tattoo.

Before you think this is too random; it is Valentine's Day and the blog has a special header just for the day, doesn't it? Well, it seems someone, inspired by the tattoo and all it represents, created the masterpiece below. Try this one out as a gift; they'll never know what it means.

Happy Valentine's Day! Oh, and be safe.

The Sound of Love

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Since Valentine’s Day is basically upon us, I decided I would make a playlist of songs to fit the occasion. Then I realized that we are not all in the same position for the holiday. Some of us would rather see the massacre over the gaiety. Others are stuck in a relationship for the holiday because “it would just be cruel to do that right before Valentine’s Day.” Fear not, o discontent lover, I got you covered. (If you for some quirky reason would actually want one of these “mixes”, as the cool kids call them, I can burn you it, be it after Valentine’s Day.)

For the Valentiner in love or something perceived as love, here are the sounds of the day:

Feel Like Making Love – Bad Company

Love Me Do – The Beatles

Take My Breath Away – Berlin

Soco Amaretto Lime – Brand New

Sunshine of Your Love – Cream

I Believe in a Thing Called Love – The Darkness

As Lovers Go – Dashboard Confessional

Light My Fire – The Doors

Iris – Goo Goo Dolls

Cupid – Jack Johnson

Nothing Better – The Postal Service

What I Like About You – The Romantics

Fuck Her Gently – Tenacious D

Girl, You Really Got Me – Van Halen

Okay, so most of those are cheesy. I have an excuse; I’m not in that group.

For the Valentiner who’s only love is the whiskey he/she uses to wash away pain of loneliness:

The Thrill is Gone – B.B. King

Help! – The Beatles

Jude Law and the Semester Abroad – Brand New

Am I Missing? – Dashboard Confessional

Swagger – Flogging Molly

November Rain – Guns N’ Roses

Love Song for No One – John Mayer

One – Metallica

Inside of Love – Nada Surf

All Apologies – Nirvana

Satisfaction – The Rolling Stones

The Astronaut – Something Corporate

The Sticks are Woven into Spokes – Twothirtyeight

Only In Dreams – Weezer

Here’s to Jack and his magical ability to get people to make real fools of themselves.

For the Valentiner with a voodoo doll of their ex:

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap – AC/DC

Rolling Away – Amalgram

Seeing Other People – Belle & Sebastian

Seventy Times Seven – Brand New

Rapid Hope Loss – Dashboard Confessional

Your Time is Gonna Come – Led Zeppelin

Stranglehold – Ted Nugent

Hope your revenge goes good; Send me pictures.

For the Valentiner looking for a shallow, good time:

Stand Up – AC/DC

Girls – Beastie Boys

Why Don’t We Do It in the Road – The Beatles

Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis – Brand New

Paradise City – Guns N’ Roses

Cold Hard Bitch – Jet

Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw – Jimmy Buffet

Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen

Born To Be Wild – Steppenwolf

Kielbasa – Tenacious D

Sharp Dressed Man – ZZ Top

But remember, Frankie says relax!

For the Valentiner stuck in a relationship and only wants out:

Whipping Post – The Allman Brothers Band

Unhappily Yours – Alva Star

The Best Deceptions – Dashboard Confessional

Tiny Vessels – Death Cab for Cutie

Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You – Led Zeppelin

I Want to Break Free – Queen

Tainted Love – Soft Cell

Konstantine – Something Corporate

Pink Triangle – Weezer (Just in case this needs to happen because your girlfriend has her own girlfriend)

Hopefully he/she got you something good for Valentine’s Day.

Add Louie Louie by The Kingsmen onto any of those lists because nobody knows what they are saying and it’s got a nice beat. If asked, translate the lyrics according to the situation.

That’s it. All you got to do is play those bad boys and viola, the desired effect will happen. Rise. Repeat.

Of Persecution and Romance

Saturday, February 12, 2005
So I forgot to publish my blog and now my post from Thursday just popped up. Although it is by no means a bad post, if I may say so myself, I would like to bring into light an issue that has been heavy on my heart in the recent days. He has been portrayed by the media as bad, warmongering, and dumb. They say his only goal is to destroy and slowly kill all who oppose him, but there is little substance to these arguments.

Godzilla is just a peace-loving creature who just wants to survive. Whenever he comes out of his watery dwelling to socialize, the world greets him with screams of terror and turned heads. Whenever he tries to get a girl, the world instantly relates him to a creature completely unrelated to him, King Kong. They look to the twisted example of King Kong's barbaric monkey love and pass of Godzilla as just the same. This cruel stereotyping is the reason he is perceived as such a "menace".

Although he may be different, that is no reason to hate, either. Those kind of tactics were employed abundantly throughout human history by names that live in infamy; names I do not dare mention so will simply call them "Danny boy". The "Danny boys" have created genocides to try to rid their world of the "different" people. One even went so far as to try and create a perfect, arian race, which I sadly am not a member of. Just because Godzilla is tall, green, and lizard-like doesn't mean he should be exiled or killed.

So before you persecute Godzilla, think to yourself, "What would PETA do?"

A Day of Days

Thursday, February 10, 2005
"What is more exciting than my day?" you ask. Well, even if this is one of the few moments you weren't about to ask that, you must admit it would have been quite a magnificent question. Today was a day like none other. I have felt the pain of Lincoln, the care of Mother Teresa, and the peace of Ghandi. I have seen the splendor of Rome, the grunge of London, and the majesty of Jakarta. The sun rose to a valley of silhouettes waiting to be released and set to a mob of enervated figures. In between, it shined like a radioactive basketball. (Yep, radioactive.)

To be honest, today was no where near the greatness I have set it up to be. It was pretty similar to the others. It was warm, though. That's good enough in my book. Mmm...warmth.

Coming tomorrow: Joy, gaiety, pain, catastrophe, anything? Please?

Writing About Writer's Block

Tuesday, February 08, 2005
So today I got writer's block. I sat in classes with my teachers starring ominously at me while I looked blankly at the white void on my desk. Sometimes I starred at the page hoping my telekinesis would somehow cause something to appear on it, and other times I starred past the paper like an ignorant child looking for something in nothing. Sometimes I ventured my gaze as far as the wall or even my fellow classmates, but none of this was the elixir I was seeking. Now that I look back on what I have just written, I wish I could have had even the ability to ramble like this when I needed instead of now when it will only grace the ears of a couple.

The Setting of a Murder

Monday, February 07, 2005
Sometimes I wake up, take one look out my window, and wish I had died in my sleep. There's something about dreary weather that sucks the life out of me. It alarms me that something as trivial as the weather can play such a large role in my mood. I know that I have bigger things to concern myself with, but the loss I feel on a dark December day seems to have nothing to do with them.
I'm not alone in my thoughts, though. Just about every murder in literature is preceded by the storm. While my life should not be wrapped up in books, it does provide a helpful insight into one of the things that bothers me about me.

A picture is...

Sunday, February 06, 2005
I thought I might share one of my best boredom remedies. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and that's exactly what Worth1000 is based off of. It hosts a Photoshop contest a day. I have entered a couple but nothing noteworthy yet. It will take hours to get through the archives of past contests. Anyway, enjoy the SuperBowl.


I was sitting at my desk and I had this depressing thought creeping into my brain like the first snow of winter; I was bored. What could I possibly do? My thoughts first wandered to ideas such as running through fields of green or shouting out in false ecstasy, but there aren't many fields of green in a wintry Colorado and quite frankly, ecstasy isn't something I enjoy faking. The voices in my head then took a break from their usual conversations about who shot JFK to though one word out from oblivion. "Blog," they said, and as hopeless as I am to resist, I followed this wise advice and began this blog you read now.
As of yet, there is no direction I hope to take the blog; I'm just going to see where it heads by itself. If evolution is any indication, it just may turn into a living, breathing human like myself. Anyway, I'm Rocky, and you stay classy.